Going through a divorce is a challenging and life-changing experience for everyone involved. No one is immune to the feelings of stress, anxiety, and resentment  which are so often present in divorce proceedings.

Ending your marriage makes you question the foundation of what you believe about life. Suddenly, you are uncertain about the issues you took for granted before the martial crisis hit.

If you are stuck in a rut and overwhelmed by negative emotions – luckily, there is a solution.

Here are the seven questions you can ask your lawyer for an emotionally intelligent divorce.

1. How Can A Divorce Attorney Help Me Cope with an Emotional Crisis?

Divorce litigation can be a adversarial process. In addition to feelings of sadness, grief, and resentment about separating, you will face the prospect of a harsh, unfamiliar court environment. From mentally draining discovery to cross-examination – your emotional burden will grow with each step of the way. The best way to go through such an experience unharmed is to talk to your divorce attorney. An experienced divorce lawyer knows what spouses are experiencing during this challenging period in life. Attorneys can help you cope with negative emotions by explaining what you feel is natural. People are vulnerable and being sad when life is stressful is normal. On the other hand, remaining resilient when faced with difficulties is vital to preserving emotional health, and divorce lawyers can help you save your mental wellbeing.

2. Does Initiating a Divorce Procedure Mean I Am a Weak Person?

On the contrary, a marriage is a communion between two people wishing to spend the rest of their lives together. Both spouses express their free will to enter the matrimony. When things go wrong (especially in abusive relationships), leaving a hostile environment is a rational decision. Not only that but breaking away from the abusive partner takes strength and courage. Self-doubting people stay silent, not wanting to stand up for their freedom and happiness. If a marriage does not go how, you both envisioned (no matter how hard you tried), you should know that l shows your leaving the marriage demonstrates integrity and maturity.

3. I Worry About Child Custody – Are My Concerns Justifed?

Your concerns are natural but not always justified. The decision of who gets custody is one of the most complex issues in divorce litigation. In determining child custody, the judge considers various factors, including the parents’ economic situation, the child’s educational and extra-curricular activities, place of living, etc. An experienced divorce attorney will use all legal means to prove your child custody-related claims, relying on child experts and other available evidence. If you can meet the child’s best interests, you should not worry if you have a knowledgeable attorney protecting your interests.

4. How Can My Friends and Family Help?

Your friends and family are your most significant psychological support group in times of crisis, including divorce. Ask them for help as they are your loved ones. Sometimes, they can alleviate stress by listening to your fears and concerns.

5. How Can I Manage My Anxiety Related to Marital Property Division?

Illinois is an equitable distribution state, meaning the courts divide marital property equally unless specific factors justify unequal distribution. Your worries about marital property are natural because you can never be sure if you will get half what you and your spouse acquired during the marriage. That depends on the length of your relationship, each spouse’s contribution, behavior, and other factors – the judge can decide whether you get more or less than half of the marital property. To minimize stress, anxiety, and uncertainty about property division, hire an experienced divorce attorney to help you get what you deserve.

6. Should Litigation Expenses Be a Reason for Concern?

Litigation expenses can vary. The amount of money you must pay to go through divorce depends on the complexity of your case and the attorneys you hire. To avoid spending your entire share of marital property on attorney and cost filing fees, choose divorce lawyers who work on a contingency basis and charge minimal or no upfront payments.

7. I Feel Uncertainty and Uneasiness About Life as a Single Person – What Should I Do?

Although litigation is retrospective by design (seeking to resolve the past), you should not be concerned about your future if you entrust your case to the professionals. An experienced attorney can help you find purpose in living as a single person (or in a new relationship) after divorce. Your lawyers should be at your disposal after the process, helping you connect with psychologists and other experts. Sometimes your attorney can make a difference simply by being compassionate and listening to your concerns.

Let Our Experts Help You

At Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, LLC, we pride ourselves on practicing law for over three decades.

Our Illinois-based law firm consists of experienced, compassionate and thoughtful family law professionals who can help you cope with all emotional challenges during the divorce while constantly seeking to resolve your case, delivering the best possible outcomes.

We are here for you before, during, and after the divorce.

Reach out to us today at 847-995-8800 to discuss how we can help.

Separation and Divorce

Marriage crises can affect any couple. Regardless of how long or fulfilled your marriage is, stop nurturing it – and you will experience stagnation and alienation. Living in marital communion is a two-way street. Good, healthy marriages require continuous and mutual effort, vigilance, and dedication to succeed.

Sometimes our efforts to maintain a happy marriage fail, and we seek a way out. The dissolution of a marital relationship is a challenging time for everyone involved. In Illinois, the dissolution of marriage can take two forms: legal separation and divorce. Many couples choose legal separation for personal, financial, or religious reasons (health insurance, taxes, government benefits, and marital property division).

However, some spouses can decide to separate informally before taking the next step toward divorce or legal separation (as an alternative to divorce). Spending time separately helps spouses recalibrate and consider all options cool-headedly.

In the United States, 87% of couples who separated ended their marriage by divorce. Only 13% of couples reunited after spending time in separation. In 2019, the divorce rate was 2.7 per 1,000 people, which equals 746,971 divorces in America annually.

Whether you are considering divorce or need time alone, collaborative law is a win-win solution for all separating couples.

Why Is Collaborative Divorce a Win-Win Solution for Separating Couples?

Collaborative law is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation. In 2018, Illinois adopted the collaborative divorce method by passing the Collaborative Process Act, which governs the central principles of divorcing out of court. As an alternative dispute resolution method, collaborative divorce offers multiple benefits to separating couples. The main focus is on the collaboration between the parties and their attorneys. That is a stark contrast to adversarial litigation, in which parties take opposite positions and engage in a vindictive all-or-nothing court process. During collaborative divorce, couples cooperate out of court to achieve satisfactory outcomes. Each party retains an attorney, but unlike litigation, collaborative attorneys work shoulder-to-shoulder to bring positive results to their clients.

What Are the Goals of the Collaborative Process?

The main goal of collaborative divorce is resolving family-related matters out of court and far from institutional decision-making centers. Instead of litigation (which aims to explore the past), collaborative divorce is future oriented. Its underlying principles include integrity, transparency, cooperation, honesty, and professionalism. The method seeks to minimize the harmful effects of separation for spouses, children, and everyone else involved. It promotes settlement as a dispute resolution method. One of the principal goals of collaborative divorce is ensuring an effective co-parenting relationship after separation. In addition to preparing spouses to remain devoted parents after the dissolution of marriage, the process restores and strengthens their confidence and self-image, healing them emotionally and preparing them for single life.

Resolving Matters Out-of-Court

The process starts when parties and their collaborative attorneys sign a Collaborative Participation Agreement. The agreement outlines the  roles of the collaborative attorneys,  and the separated couple. The key to understanding collaborative divorce is that the process is voluntary, informal, and free of external compulsion. The parties exchange information in informal meetings and communications. Unlike rigid litigation rules (discovery, depositions), parties in a collaborative divorce cooperate closely to achieve mutually beneficial results.

Good-Faith Efforts

By signing the participation agreement, the parties promise to conduct themselves in good faith and use their best efforts in settling. They agree to disclose all material information (income, debts, assets, accounts) voluntarily. As mentioned, there are no coercive litigation mechanisms (such as discovery) compelling the parties to share relevant information. Collaborative divorce relies on informal communication, counting on integrity and honor. The only formal mechanism is affidavits (statements under oath). The key to collaborative divorce is transparency and creating an atmosphere of trust. The process starts with a four-way conference. The conference enables parties to achieve a free flow of information. During the initial meeting separating spouses sign a participation agreement, committing themselves to invest utmost efforts in reaching satisfactory outcomes.

Children’s Well-Being

Ensuring the children go through separation and divorce without harm is one of the central aspects of collaborative divorce. The process involves mechanisms for preserving children’s psychological and emotional integrity. The separating couples invest efforts to shield their youngest family members from the effects of marriage dissolution. In addition to involving child psychologists the process employs other measures to protect children from unnecessary stress and trauma. To that end, settlement discussions involve children only if parents agree (after getting approval from the child specialists).

Who Is on A Collaborative Divorce Team?

Experienced professionals and consultants play a decisive role in collaborative divorce. Dealing with marital property division, complex assets, child support, child custody, alimony, and other issues requires special knowledge that state-appointed judges often lack. Therefore, the collaborative process includes various experienced professionals, such as child specialists, forensic professionals, financial consultants, and psychologists. Collaboratively trained lawyers have the necessary skills to communicate and cooperate with the professional team. In contrast to litigated approaches (where each party retains its team), participants use the so-called joint professional teams. They provide knowledgeable opinions that serve both parties as a factual basis for negotiations. However, their findings are not admissible in future litigation, nor can the same professionals participate in the potential court process between the parties.

Control Over the Process

In collaborative divorce, parties have control over the process. Unlike the courtroom, where a state-appointed judge decides the destiny of the parties, the out-of-court collaborative law focuses on spouses. They control the outcome by determining the dynamics and direction of negotiations. In addition, they can change collaborative attorneys at any time or abandon negotiation efforts. The sense of control coming from the approach of the collaborative process motivates the parties to invest their best efforts in resolving the dispute.

The Role of Collaborative Attorneys

Collaborative attorneys are different from their litigation counterparts. Instead of representing their clients in a zero-sum court battle, collaborative attorneys work together to achieve mutually agreed-upon solutions for separating couples. That includes sharing information and revealing all material facts that foster negotiations and lead to settlement. If either party fails to disclose relevant information or misrepresents material facts, collaborative attorneys must resign from the case. In that situation, attorneys cannot represent the same clients again, including a new collaborative process or potential litigation. In addition to providing legal assistance, collaborative lawyers ensure integrity and transparency, cooperate with the appointed team members and consultants, and offer emotional support to their clients. However, they can withdraw from the case at any time. The Illinois Collaborative Process Act allows attorneys to leave without providing reasons. Their only obligation is to notify the other party and their attorney in writing. In that case, the party can continue the process alone or hire a new collaborative lawyer.

Confidentiality

In contrast to litigation, in which everything is public information and during the divorce process becomes part of the public record, collaborative divorce is confidential. Everyone involved must keep all information secret, including potential future litigation (if the collaborative process is unsuccessful). The only exception is information about child abuse, irreversible financial damage, or other information violating the rules of professional conduct for collaborative attorneys.

Achieve a Win-Win Solution with the Right Collaborative Attorneys

At Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, LLC, our lawyers are committed to excellence, integrity, and honesty in representing clients in every divorce case.

Our attorneys have more than three decades of valuable experience providing collaborative law services in the Chicagoland area. Their dedication, commitment, and professionalism are unmatched by the competition. Our attorneys are specially trained by Collaborative Divorce Illinois, the voluntary professional association dedicated to educating the public about collaborative law and to training attorneys and other professionals in collaborative processes.

Call our office today at 847-995-8800 to schedule your appointment. The first 20-minute consultation is complimentary.

Despite many experts predicting that the COVID-19 pandemic would drastically affect divorce rates, the number of divorces has mostly stayed the same. However, lockdowns and the new reality of working from home caused many couples  to remain together, regardless of the multiple challenges, uncertainties, and mental health crises many people experienced during the first year of the pandemic.

But how do divorce statistics and trends look in 2022? The year is nearing its end, so let us look at the numbers and typical causes of divorce for the last twelve months.

Divorce Statistics in 2022

In 2022, the divorce rate in America was 2.3 per 1000, which is a decline compared to previous decades, especially between 1960 and 1990. Contrary to experts’ predictions, the divorce rate in America fell by 12% during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The divorce rate among couples aged 25-39 is 24 per 1000 persons. Older couples divorce less frequently – there are 21 divorces per 1000 persons among adults between 40-49 years of age, while the divorce rate for couples older than 50 is 10 per 1000 adults.

In Illinois, the top five cities with the highest divorce rate in 2022 are Mattoon (18%), Harrisburg (18%), Calumet Park (17%), Herrin (16%), and Creve Coeur (16%).

Illinois Divorce Trends 2022

The year behind us was full of challenges, especially for couples experiencing marital crises. The divorced spouses also had their share of struggles. However, everyone dealing with divorce experienced common causes and issues in the first post-pandemic year. Here are the most typical divorce and post-divorce trends in 2022:

1. Narcissistic character traits are the leading factor contributing to divorce. Living with a narcissistic spouse will inevitably cause marital problems and potentially harm the marriage. Most divorces in 2022 result from an abusive relationship in which one spouse is a victim of their narcissistic partner. Narcissistic personalities make life harder for everyone around them, especially their intimate partners. They tend to view people in their life as a means of satisfying their needs. Narcissists are possessive and aggressive, thinking they have the right to dispose of other people’s lives as suits them. Being insensitive to their spouse’s emotional well-being, they engage in various forms of abuse. During the marriage, a narcissistic spouse will scold their partner for pursuing their career, taking time for themself, or seeing  friends. After the divorce, a narcissistic ex-spouse will prevent the partner from seeing children or continuing with life in a new relationship.

2. Alienation between parents. In 2022, parental alienation is one of the main reasons causing a marriage crisis. In many cases, one of the parents is a narcissist who abuses their spouse, which naturally leads to alienation. There are also other factors that make parents feel like strangers to each other. Parents of little children often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to nurture their relationship. Over time, they do not feel the intimacy and affection that brought them together in the first place. When kids grow up, spouses who disregarded their relationship and let alienation take root do not feel like spending the rest of their lives with a person they consider a stranger. After the divorce, parental alienation can pose more serious problems. Narcissistic spouses often prevent their partners from seeing children or invest significant efforts to make their communication more difficult.

3. Medical issues play a decisive role in the post-pandemic world. Making medical decisions for their children has always been one of the issues over which many spouses disagreed. When the pandemic hit, spouses had to decide whether to take vaccines. That was not an easy decision (especially in the early days of the vaccine campaign), considering various health, social, and religious considerations. After the vaccines became available for children, many parents found themselves in uncharted decision-making territory. There are families where one parent wanted children to receive COVID-19 vaccinations as soon as possible, while another refused to give consent due to health or ethical concerns. Diverging views on these and other medical-related issues represent one of the leading causes of marriage crises and divorce.

4. Financial troubles are central to discord at all times. Regardless of economic and health crises, financial disagreements have always been a source of conflict for many spouses. Nothing has changed in 2022. Following the pandemic, many families experienced significant financial losses. Many spouses lost their jobs due to layoffs, while others experienced investment failures in the shaky investment marketplace.Very few marriages are immune to sudden largescale financial blows. Many couples cannot accept changing their daily routines to adapt to new circumstances. That causes disagreements and conflicts, which can lead to a divorce.

5. Custody-related problems. The leading trend for divorced spouses in 2022 was parenting time allocation and custody modification. Once the divorce process conscludes, the parents must carry on with their lives. However, their reality is different and more complex. While each spouse wants to start a new chapter in life (and sometimes forget about their ex-spouse), they must, ideally, maintain a productive co-parenting relationship. Doing this is in their children’s best interest. Post-divorce challenges typically result from different views on parenting time allocation. Each parent wants to spend more time with their kids. Sometimes the other spouse prevents the other from seeing children, and they must seek the court’s intervention. The same goes for custody modification. Life’s circumstances change and preserving children’s well-being sometimes requires changing custody arrangements.

6. Relocation. The work environment is different in the post-pandemic world. Even with most restrictions lifted, many employers continued their work-from-home policies. Since working from home is more affordable, many employees moved to other locations. While it makes earning a living easier, relocation creates challenges for divorced parents, making it difficult to engage in an effective co-parenting relationship. Moving away from where one’s children live with a custodial parent means a parent will not be able to see them as often as before. Relocation can cause problems for married couples as well. Moving to another city can be suitable for one spouse while creating difficulties for the other. That causes marital friction and a potential divorce.

7. Prenuptial agreements are on the rise. 2022 brought a sharp increase in new marriages. There were 2.6 million weddings this year in the United States. Many couples waited for the COVID-19 restrictions to ease so they could organize their dream wedding. Prenuptial agreements have increased in popularity as a result of new marriages.

Entrust Your Case to Professionals

Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, LLC is an Illinois law firm practicing family law since 1988.

No matter what caused a marriage crisis, we help couples proceed through the strategic steps through a divorce without additional stress. Our legal team offers a custom-tailored service that fits each unique situation. Whether a couple chooses litigation, mediation or collaborative divorce, we can help you..

Reach out to us today at 847-995-8800 to discuss your circumstance and case.

Options in Divorce

To many people, Divorce is a daunting word. But like any daunting concept, it helps to break it down into parts to really understand it. This can help clear up confusion and answer questions, and it can also alleviate some of the apprehension toward the process.

The word Divorce is an umbrella term, meaning it arches over smaller types of agreements and settlements that are necessary for two parties to dissolve their marriage. Under this larger umbrella are the parties separating, and depending on which type of agreement one chooses, the supporting cast may vary.

The most basic part of most divorces is a negotiation. Negotiation is used to describe the process by which the terms of a divorce are settled. It is limited to the bare bones of the parties’ interests and what is being represented on each side. Negotiation seeks to remove the emotion from the context of the process, focusing instead on technical interests like money, custody, property, and parenting decisions and time spent by each parent.

Mediation is a process is different than a simple negotiation, as it involves the divorcing parties working with a qualified neutral mediator to assist a couple in reaching a resolution and may occur at any point during a divorce. A mediator may or may not be an attorney. some mediators may be social workers or psychologists. Qualified and certified mediators generally serve as go-betweens for the divorcing parties, who rely on the mediator’s skills to help them reach the best possible outcome. The mediator may navigate between two separate rooms to help parties reach a settlement. At the end of the mediation, both parties will sign off on an agreement. This may occur over several sessions until an agreement is reached. If no agreement is reached, the parties may then go to litigation. Either way, an attorney is in the best position to prepare the final agreements to settle. The attorneys at Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, LLC, are certified mediators and can navigate the mediation as well as prepare the documentation consistent with the law.

Collaborative Divorce is a type of divorce that addresses both the legal and holistic needs of the divorcing parties. This type of divorce allows the parties to settle their proceedings without going to court. During Collaborative Divorce, a Collaborative Lawyer, sometimes called a Collaborative Law Fellow, facilitates the separation and negotiation process. This may occur in conjunction with other specialists, such as neutral Financial Specialists, Child Specialists and Divorce Coaches. The separating parties first sign an agreement to proceed amicably to reach the best possible outcome for both sides. The cooperative nature of a Collaborative Divorce allows for an amicable, supportive environment. The couple is assisted by the lawyer and specialists in a series of meetings—which take less time than court proceedings—and is spared from having to negotiate or litigate in court. Overall, the parties have greater control of the process, and the outcome is more favorable.

The attorneys at Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, LLC. are versed in all forms and parts of the divorce process. Whichever type of agreement clients seek, the attorneys will provide comprehensive expertise tailored to the client’s specific needs. The attorneys at Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, understand the intimidating nature of entering a divorce and offer quality, customized representation to address our clients’ unique processes.

by Miriam Cooper