According to the National Center for State Courts, more than one million divorces are processed in the U.S. each year.

In Illinois, divorce and custody mediation is a necessary process that helps couples find conflict resolution with the assistance of attorneys.

In this blog post , we will define divorce and custody mediation and discuss the role of attorneys in the mediation process.

What Is Mediation?

During mediation, a trained mediator acts as a neutral third party  helping two parties resolve their differences.

The goal of  mediation is to helpboth sides resolve conflicted or contested issues such as child custody, asset division, and spousal support without going to court.

The Benefits of Mediation for Divorce and Custody Cases

Mediation offers many benefits for divorce and custody cases compared to traditional court proceedings.

1 Mediation helps reduce costs by avoiding expensive litigation fees associated with going through a trial in court.

2. Mediation sessions are often shorter than court proceedings since each side can work together to resolve their dispute quickly and amicably without having to wait for long periods between hearings or trials. This saves money on legal fees when mediated sessions are shorter.

3. Couples who choose mediation often find that it can lead to better outcomes because they have more influence over decisions made about their future instead of leaving it up to judges or juries who may not know all the details of their situation. 

4. Mediation offers couples privacy which litigated court procedures do not do.  Couples can also move at the pace that is comfortable for them versus depending on the schedule of the court system in their jurisdiction.

5. Thanks to the privacy that mediation offers couples there can be less overall stress and harm to the family since the couples, with their professional advisors, control the process versus an external judge.

Differences Between Mediation and Traditional Court Proceedings

The Role of Attorneys in Mediation

Attorneys play a significant role in the mediation process. They provide legal advice, represent their clients’ interests, negotiate the final agreement, and draft the mediation agreement.

Providing Legal Advice

Attorneys offer their clients professional legal advice to help them understand their options before, during, and after the mediation process. They help educate their clients on the law that applies to their situation and advise them on the potential risks or rewards of taking a specific course of action.

Representing The Client’s Interests

During the mediation process, attorneys advocate for their clients. They are tasked with understanding their client’s desired outcome and goals, then representing those interests in negotiations with opposing parties and mediators.

Attorneys can use negotiation tactics to protect their client’s rights and obtain favorable outcomes from the mediation process.

Negotiating The Final Agreement

One of an attorney’s primary responsibilities is negotiating a final fair agreement between all parties involved in the dispute resolution process. This includes ensuring that all sides are represented fairly while protecting each party’s interests as best they can. Therefore, negotiations carried out by attorneys must be conducted ethically according to applicable laws and regulations.

Drafting The Mediation Agreement

Once an agreement has been reached through negotiations, attorneys will be responsible for drafting a binding contract based on the terms of that agreement.

This encompasses reviewing any relevant statutes or laws applicable to ensure that these issues are dealt with adequately within the document drafted by the attorney for approval by all parties involved in the dispute resolution process.

Attorneys As Advocates in Mediation

Attorneys play a vital role in helping clients reach an agreeable and fair resolution in mediation. They help to protect the client’s rights, assets, and interests by evaluating the legal implications of each proposal brought to the table.

Protecting The Client’s Rights and Assets

Attorneys help protect their client’s rights and assets in mediation by ensuring both parties are coming to the table with clear expectations.

For example, they may negotiate a settlement agreement that sets forth the terms under which each party will abide during the process and outcome of their dispute.

Attorneys also ensure that all relevant information is disclosed and work to keep negotiations amicable while pursuing their clients’ best interests.

Assisting The Client in Reaching a Fair Agreement

In mediation, attorneys provide impartiality for both parties. They advise on each side’s bargaining position and can work to develop common ground between the two sides. Attorneys are skilled negotiators and can work with clients to ensure they receive a fair agreement.

Advising The Client On The Legal Consequences Of The Agreement

Attorneys help clients understand the legal consequences of the agreement reached in mediation. They can explain all applicable laws, discuss the implications of any stipulations included in the agreement, and advise on their client’s best course of action.

This ensures that all parties understand their agreement before agreeing to it. By providing this kind of guidance, attorneys can ensure that all parties agree with their eyes wide open.

Preparing For Mediation

When preparing for mediation, attorneys have a vital role to play. Their knowledge of the legal process and the law can help the client make informed decisions on how best to move forward with their case before and during any negotiations.

The Role of Attorneys in Preparing the Client

Attorneys can assist clients in several ways when preparing for mediation. First, they can assess the chances of success, advise what evidence will be most relevant, identify facts that could potentially be used against them, and suggest points that should be made to strengthen their position.

They can also prepare a checklist of essential documents, such as corporate records or financial statements, that must be ready ahead of time. This helps ensure the client has the information necessary to present their case effectively.

Gathering And Presenting Evidence

Attorneys are well-versed in gathering and presenting evidence clearly and legally soundly. In addition, they will collaborate closely with the client to compile any relevant documentation or data so that it is easily understood by all parties involved in the mediation proceedings.

Once this material has been prepared, attorneys will also assist in organizing it for presentation purposes. This may include explaining complex concepts in simple terms so all parties understand what is being presented and why.

Identifying And Addressing Potential Roadblocks

Finally, attorneys can help anticipate potential roadblocks that may arise during negotiations and address them proactively with both parties involved.

By thoroughly understanding all relevant laws, they can develop strategies that allow clients to reach an agreement while staying within legal limits and avoiding costly disputes.

The Role of Attorneys in The Mediation Session

Attorneys play many important roles during a mediation session.

Facilitating Communication and Negotiation

Attorneys can also serve as mediators, helping facilitate communication between parties and conduct productive negotiations. They understand how best to frame proposals to get positive results and will use their knowledge of law and experience with negotiation tactics to help move the process along swiftly, efficiently, and fairly.

The Mediation Agreement

Once the agreement is reached, attorneys will review it to ensure all terms are clear and legally sound.

The Role of Attorneys in Finalizing the Agreement

When finalizing the agreement, attorneys have one last role to play. They help all parties understand the ramifications of signing such a document and point out potential pitfalls or implications.

The Role of The Court in Enforcing the Agreement

Once the agreement is in place, attorneys ensure it is correctly filed with the court.

This helps to protect all parties involved, making the agreement legally binding and enforceable under applicable laws.

The court can then step in if either party violates its terms or fails to comply with its obligations.

Conclusion

Mediation is an effective and cost-efficient way to resolve divorce and custody cases in Illinois.

Having an experienced attorney by your side is paramount in the process, as they provide invaluable guidance and expertise in laws, regulations, evidence gathering, communication facilitation, negotiation tactics, and more.

Ultimately, their work will ensure both sides’ needs are met while staying within legal requirements.  Couples should explore the value and benefits of a mediated divorce approach for divorce.

Divorce doesn’t have to wreck your emotional health or your family’s future. People often assume every divorce turns into a bitter court fight—but that’s just not true.

There are ways to end a marriage that protect everyone involved. Asking the right questions during your first meeting with a divorce lawyer can help you find an attorney who understands both the legal and emotional sides of divorce.

The questions you ask show what matters most in your case. If you’re hoping for an emotionally intelligent divorce, you need a lawyer who looks beyond just “winning.”

You want someone who can help you make choices about your kids, your finances, and your future—without fueling more conflict. Knowing what to ask a divorce attorney during the first visit gives you a real shot at finding the right legal partner for your needs.

The seven questions below offer a straightforward way to pick an attorney who’ll support your goals and protect your family.

Key Takeaways

• The right divorce lawyer helps you manage both legal issues and emotional challenges.
• Low-conflict divorce options protect kids and reduce stress for everyone.
• Understanding costs, property division, and support leads to better long-term outcomes.

What Is an Emotionally Intelligent Divorce in Illinois?

An emotionally intelligent divorce means ending a marriage with self-awareness and control over your feelings. It’s about recognizing your emotions without letting anger or hurt dictate your actions.

This approach centers on open communication and respect, even when things get tough. In Illinois family law cases, emotional intelligence helps manage stress and promotes communication with kindness.

Couples who adopt this style usually make better choices for themselves and their children. Key aspects of an emotionally intelligent divorce include:

• Managing your reactions during stressful negotiations.
• Communicating with your spouse, even if you don’t agree.
• Understanding how choices impact your kids and family.
• Focusing on the long run, not just the next argument.
• Working with attorneys who value problem-solving over fighting.

Illinois operates as a no-fault divorce state, so you don’t have to prove wrongdoing. This system encourages a more cooperative approach to ending a marriage.

People with higher emotional intelligence can smooth negotiations and achieve better outcomes for everyone involved. This matters even more when kids are involved.

The emotionally intelligent approach doesn’t mean ignoring real concerns or agreeing to unfair terms. 

It’s about staying calm and strategic while standing up for your rights. This mindset helps you get through divorce with less drama and lower costs.

If you want a lawyer who understands both the legal and emotional sides of divorce, schedule a consultation with Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group to explore an emotionally intelligent strategy.

Question 1: How Will You Help Me Manage the Emotional Side of Divorce?

Divorce triggers strong emotions that can cloud every decision. A good divorce lawyer gets that managing emotions during divorce matters just as much as the legal paperwork.

If you ask this question, listen for specifics. The lawyer might discuss pacing the process to avoid overwhelm, or explain how they deliver updates in simple, calm language to reduce stress.

What to Look For in Their Response:

• Mention of working with therapists or counselors
• Experience helping clients stay focused during negotiations
• A plan for keeping communication respectful and on track
• Understanding of the emotional stages people go through

Some lawyers have a paralegal who handles daily questions, scheduling, and paperwork. This can make the process less stressful. The lawyer then zeroes in on a legal strategy.

Your divorce lawyer should acknowledge that emotions are normal. They might share how they help clients separate feelings from financial or parenting decisions, which can prevent costly emotional mistakes in the future.

If a lawyer brushes off your emotional concerns or seems annoyed by questions, they’re probably not the right fit. You deserve a legal team that treats your emotional well-being and legal needs with equal care.

Question 2: What Divorce Process Options Do You Recommend for a Low-Conflict Divorce in Illinois?

If you and your spouse can communicate and agree on the big stuff, several alternatives to traditional divorce litigation might work. A lawyer should determine which divorce process is best for your situation.

Uncontested divorce is for couples who already agree on property, custody, and support. It’s usually the fastest and cheapest route. The process moves quickly because there’s no drawn-out court fight.

Mediation brings in a neutral third party to help you reach agreements. The mediator doesn’t decide for you—they just guide the conversation toward solutions. This keeps control in your hands, not the judge’s.

Collaborative divorce means each spouse has their own attorney, and sometimes other professionals, such as financial experts or therapists, join in. Everyone agrees to avoid court and work together toward fair solutions.

Couples in Illinois seeking a divorce without court involvement often find these options more private and flexible. They’re usually less expensive and less emotionally draining for families.

A good lawyer will ask about the level of conflict and communication between spouses before suggesting a path. They’ll want to know about trust and willingness to compromise. The right process can make a tough transition a little easier, especially for kids.

Question 3: How Will You Protect My Children from Conflict During the Divorce?

A skilled divorce lawyer should offer practical strategies to shield children from divorce-related conflict as proceedings unfold. This question helps you spot whether the attorney cares about your kids’ well-being or just wants to “win.”

The lawyer should explain how they handle child custody negotiations without involving the children. 

They might suggest mediation or collaborative methods that keep arguments out of the courtroom and away from children.

Key protective measures a lawyer should discuss include:

• Keeping kids out of legal talks and court
• Setting communication boundaries between parents
• Building a parenting plan that keeps routines steady
• Never using children as messengers or sources of info
• Bringing in child psychologists or family therapists if needed

The attorney should also discuss structuring child support agreements to avoid future disputes over money. Financial disputes can spill over into parenting time, so clear terms help everyone.

Recent data shows that nearly 65% of high-conflict divorces significantly impact children’s emotional well-being. A good lawyer gets these risks and tries to minimize hostile exchanges.

Look for attorneys who encourage respectful co-parenting communication and discourage badmouthing the other parent in front of your kids. The right lawyer acts as both advocate and a calming voice when things get heated.

Not sure which questions to ask at your first meeting? Bring this list to Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, and we’ll walk through process options, conflict level, and next steps together. Contact today.

Question 4: How Will We Communicate and Make Decisions Together?

The attorney-client relationship really depends on clear communication from day one. You need to know how your lawyer prefers to share updates and make choices about your case.

Ask them about response times for emails and calls. Some lawyers reply within a day, while others might take longer. Setting these expectations now saves headaches later.

Key Communication Topics to Discuss:

• Preferred ways to get in touch (email, phone, text, or client portal)
• How often will you get case updates
• Who else on the legal team might you work with
• What to do if something urgent comes up

Communicating decisions effectively means both sides need to outline the key points before making major decisions. The lawyer should explain what info they’ll need from you to keep things moving.

Decision-making works best as a partnership. The attorney brings legal knowledge, but you know what matters most to your family. 

You’ll want to discuss how you’ll weigh options together on essential matters such as custody, property, or settlements.

A good lawyer will ask about your priorities and concerns, not just the facts. This helps them tailor their approach to fit your unique situation and emotional needs during a rough time.

Question 5: How Do You Approach Fees, Costs, and Budget in a Divorce Case?

Money gets even trickier during a divorce. A lawyer should lay out their fee structure before you sign anything.

Most divorce attorneys charge by the hour. They’ll usually ask for a retainer upfront, which is basically a down payment.

The lawyer pulls from this retainer as they work on your case. It can feel a little confusing if you haven’t been through it before.

Key pricing details to discuss:

• What’s the hourly rate for the attorney and their staff?
• How much is the initial retainer fee?
• When will you need to make additional payments?
• Which expenses are billed separately, such as court fees or expert witness fees?

A good lawyer helps you build a budget for legal expenses early on. That way, you’re less likely to get blindsided later.

Some attorneys offer flat fees for uncontested divorces. Others might have payment plans if you need that flexibility.

The lawyer should walk you through ways to reduce costs. Simple things like sorting your documents in advance or reducing unnecessary emails can significantly reduce your billable hours.

Understanding how to minimize financial stress can help you feel more in control. It’s not always easy, but it makes a difference.

Question 6: How Will You Help Me Understand Property Division and Long-Term Finances?

Understanding property division in divorce takes more than a quick explanation. You want a lawyer who understands that these choices carry significant emotion.

The best attorneys break down the financial stuff into plain language. You shouldn’t need a finance degree just to follow along.

Key Areas Your Lawyer Should Explain:

• How marital property and separate property differ in your state
• Whether your state uses community property or equitable distribution rules
• How retirement accounts, real estate, and investments get valued and divided
• What kind of tax consequences come with different settlements

Your lawyer should clarify how alimony works in your jurisdiction. Factors such as marriage duration, income differences, and earning potential all matter.

Property division has hidden tax implications that can affect your finances now and down the road. A lawyer who pays attention to your feelings will take time to walk you through the scenarios.

Ask how your lawyer will help you track down all assets and debts. Sometimes spouses hide assets, and that’s when navigating a complex property division becomes very difficult without help.

The right lawyer uses visual aids, written summaries, or real-life examples to explain the numbers. They’ll check in to make sure you actually understand what’s at stake.

Question 7: How Do You Support Clients in Life After Divorce?

A lawyer’s job doesn’t really stop when the divorce papers get signed. The best attorneys understand that their clients need a little extra help as they step into their new lives.

When you meet with lawyers, ask how they help people move on after divorce. Some attorneys will point you to professionals who can help with the next chapter.

Others stay in touch with clients, ready to answer questions that arise over time.

Key support areas include:

• Connections to financial planners for managing new budgets
• Referrals to therapists or counselors
• Resources for co-parenting classes
• Information about building a strong support system

Plenty of lawyers work with divorce coaches who guide clients through emotional and practical hurdles. These coaches help set goals and shift from defeat to growth.

That kind of support goes way beyond what most lawyers can offer on their own.

A good attorney will tell you straight what they can and can’t do. They’ll explain whether their firm conducts post-divorce check-ins or just closes the case once everything’s final.

The lawyer should also discuss how they handle questions about custody changes or financial matters that may arise later. Some attorneys bundle in follow-up consultations, while others bill for extra work.

If you’re worried about how divorce will affect your children and long-term stability, talk with Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group about designing a calmer, more intentional path forward.

Frequently Asked Questions 

What is an emotionally intelligent divorce?

An emotionally intelligent divorce is a process that balances strong legal advocacy with emotional awareness. Your lawyer still protects your rights, but also prioritizes reducing conflict, protecting children, and helping you make clear decisions instead of acting out of anger, fear, or a desire to punish your spouse.

Why should I ask my lawyer about their approach to emotions and conflict?

You should ask about your lawyer’s approach to emotions and conflict because it reveals how they will communicate, de-escalate, and guide you. Their response indicates whether they understand family dynamics, support healthy boundaries, and can keep you focused on long-term outcomes rather than short-term emotional reactions.

Can I have an emotionally intelligent divorce if my spouse is very angry or hostile?

You can pursue an emotionally intelligent divorce even if your spouse is angry or hostile. Your lawyer can recommend structured processes, safety-focused boundaries, and firm but respectful communication. 

Does an emotionally intelligent divorce mean I have to be “too nice” in negotiations?

An emotionally intelligent divorce does not mean being “too nice” or giving up what you are entitled to. It means choosing strategies that are thoughtful, child-focused, and financially sound.

How do I know if a lawyer supports emotionally intelligent divorce?

You know a lawyer supports emotionally intelligent divorce when they ask about your goals, children, and safety, explain process options like mediation or collaborative divorce, and talk about communication and budget. If their only focus is “fighting hard” without nuance, they may not be the right fit.

Can an emotionally intelligent divorce still involve mediation or collaborative divorce?

Emotionally intelligent divorce often uses mediation or collaborative divorce because these processes encourage problem-solving and respectful communication. A good lawyer helps you decide whether those options are realistic for your situation and builds in safeguards if there are power imbalances, safety concerns, or complicated financial questions to resolve.

What should I do if my current lawyer seems to escalate every conflict?

If your current lawyer seems to escalate every conflict, schedule a candid conversation about your goals, tone, and budget. Ask how they plan to reduce unnecessary battles. If their approach still doesn’t align with your values, seeking a second opinion or changing counsel may be appropriate.